The build-up was big! London’s 2nd birthday! And it was the event of the month. There were lots of people, lots of food, and that amazing Minnie Mouse cake that Grandpa Mike decorated. Talk about presents! London will be the best dressed two year old with the greatest toys; Barbie, the Barbie Jeep, Barbie’s new outfit, books, clothes, games.

It was a great party. The only thing missing was Rhys. He would have loved this kind of thing. I am sure Rhys would have been busy shuttling between photo opportunities and making sure all of London’s toys were properly put together and functional. He probably would have made London model a new outfit or two. He might have told Michael, “Hey Dad, great decorating job. Ever considered a career in cake decorating? He He.”

But once again, the joy of the day is intermingled with a sadness that one can’t quite explain. No outsider would understand. It’s a feeling that you can’t quite put your finger on. For me, it became a rising sense that somehow I was just observing the event, wondering what Rhys would have been doing. I held back the tears that were so close to the surface and realized once again how much I miss my son.

I feel as though life is being lived in front of me but I am stuck on some plane of life where time is frozen, just like my son’s life. It is often just like looking through a window. I realize the people I am seeing are a part of my life but I still can’t touch them. They are so close, only a pane of glass away, but the physical connection is not there.

I’m not sure Michael feels the same way I do, but I do know that for both of us, we often feel as though we are only on the fringes of a life that was meant to be so much part of the fabric of our lives. We realize that this is one of the tougher work assignments in life. Perhaps the lesson in all of this is that anything worth having is something that is worth working for. A close relationship with our granddaughter is something we want very much and we will work at. We hope that as she gets older she will understand where we fit into the picture and will want to know more about Rhys’ life. We pray that we can always be close in distance and relationship. We pray too, that we can share with London the joy of life that Rhys had. London already has her Dad’s smile and laugh. It is almost like seeing him as a toddler again.

I trust that the Lord gave Rhys a glimpse of his progeny. And Rhys is now aware of London’s path in life. Stephanie is teaching London the way she should go. So we wait on the Lord and trust He will make our path straight. And as Joseph said to his brothers in Egypt, “what you meant for evil, God meant for good.” Rhys’ death will work to God’s purpose and His purpose will be good. “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11