Guilt has seeped in to the deepest recesses of my person lately. Not because I’ve done something completely wrong, but because of gnawing jealousy. It is the oddest kind of jealousy; the kind that stirs when you are really trying so hard to be kind and joyful for someone else.

The jealousy comes when parents talk joyfully about their sons and daughters, whether they are very young or they are tentatively entering the world of adult responsibilities. I love to hear about the accomplishments, big and small but the jealousy begins like a sound in my ears, like the sound of trickling water. Could it be tears bubbling somewhere from within, rising to the surface and then painfully tamped down and carefully choked back? I think about my son and what he would be doing at this point in his life. I wonder about the pride and joy that I would be sharing with others, maybe oblivious to their pain at tragic circumstances in their lives.

I realize that if I stop and think about how my jealousy is simply a way of wallowing in the self-pity of not being able to enjoy the feelings, experiences, and expectations of what I had hoped to enjoy, then I would realize that I should be a good deal more sensitive to people around me. Perhaps this is the gift of grief. We suddenly have moments when we become so aware of the feelings of those around us. We can compassionately share in another person’s grief. We can understand when the grief, anger, jealousy, panic, or fearfulness temporarily freeze us into inaction. We get it … and we understand that feelings held for a moment can be redirected to give us compassion and mercy. These are the qualities that move us forward and help us to help others.

The jealousy peeps in for a look around the recesses of my being and then moves on, shut out by the joy of living a life through others. This is a gift from God Himself; the gift of grief.

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Lynn

Account Executive at Sika Sarnafil

Lynn is an accomplished writer and business professional with a BA in English, an MBA, and JD degrees from prestigious Universities. Lynn has worked in the construction industry for 35 years.

She is also the mother of an American Hero. Her only child, Sgt. Rhys W. Klasno was killed in action on "Mother's Day," 13 May 2007 in Haditha, Iraq. Read her American Hero Tribute Blog and check out her Roofing Solutions Wonderkid Blog

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