I miss Rhys the most this time of year. It’s not because of all the holiday fuss or because it’s the anniversary of his death. I miss him most in November because it is the same month that I saw my son for the very last time. Rhys came home on leave in November, 2006. We had an early Thanksgiving dinner because he was scheduled to leave again before that day. I didn’t see enough of him of course, because he was still a newlywed, just past the 1st anniversary of his marriage to Stephanie.

Rhys’ leave was extended because the day after Rhys left Iraq to fly home one of his team members was killed. Rhys was the only member of the unit home on leave and he had already served on the Honor Detail at Riverside National Cemetery. Rhys was asked to participate in the honor guard detail for his teammate and friend, SSGT Rudy Salcido.

Rhys discussed it with his Dad. I knew he was doing the detail but I did not discuss all the ramifications of his undertaking that assignment. There are some things a son just doesn’t discuss with his mom.

Looking back I wish I had paid more attention; more attention to what Rhys was feeling, more attention to someone else’s loss. On the other hand, it may have made me more fearful for Rhys when he returned to duty. War is an ugly thing, and for a mom with a son on active duty, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

But now I look back to try to remember everything we said. I look carefully at the photo taken of Michael, Rhys, and me trying to find some clue, something I never saw before. I strain my eyes and ears wishing that I could see and hear Rhys speaking to me from the picture. I know it’s crazy, but couldn’t I just recapture that moment in time once more? I want to hear Rhys laugh. I want to see that big grin, not in just a picture, but face to face. Rhys overflowed with joy. That is what I miss so much.

Would we have done anything differently if we had know it was the last time we would see Rhys? What did we do that day? We told him we loved him and missed him and couldn’t wait for the end of his deployment. He told us he loved us. I guess that is the best thing to do in all situations. Tell your family you love them as often as you can. No, we would not have done it any differently. Everything that needed to be said, had been said. Strip away everything else and an expression of love is all that is really needed.

As I watched another Gold Star parent crumple into tears while listening to a Dad of another fallen soldier tell of his own loss, I wondered to myself, “how can I help someone who is so lost in grief?” Aren’t we comforted so that we are able to comfort others? How can we actively pursue that goal in a loving and empathetic manner?

I will start by saying that once you have personally experienced a devastating loss you are uniquely qualified to empathize with someone going through that type of loss. That is why we cry when we hear another person’s story. That is why we are so heavy hearted when we see the Patriot Guard escorting another hero home. That is why we are so quick to hug. That is also why we can assure someone that it will get better over time and that while we can’t “move on,” we can at least move forward.

God tells us that we can help. We can stand together with those who need encouragement and they are able to stand with us or with someone else. “Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come and save you.”” Isaiah 35:3-4 (more…)

We are called by God to give the first fruits of our labors. Whether our money or our sons, the message is clear. God wants our best. Not because He needs it, but because our first fruits represent our love for our Heavenly Father.

Do you give your earthly father “seconds?” If he joins you for dinner, do you feed him what was left from the night before? Of course not. Even if your earthly father is not around, your Heavenly Father is always there for you, no matter what. We can never “pay Him back” for the gift of salvation, but we can give the best of what we have.

What better way to show our love than to give our very, very best; our sons? They are, after all, on loan to us from God. We were the selected parents who saw a child grown into a man; a man of compassion, purpose, responsibility, and love for others. A man (or woman) who understood sacrifice. “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” John 15:13

We wanted more time. We weren’t finished. But consider this: If this world is just our stopping place until we reach our ultimate goal of Heaven, and if Heaven is even just a fraction of the glory told about in the Bible, aren’t our heroes enjoying the best of a place we spend our lives longing to reach? (more…)

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Phil 2:3-4

Remember when our children were young and we had a “teachable moment?” There are hundreds of these that occur when raising our children.

It’s the neighbor’s broken window and a realization that the person responsible for the action is also responsible for the consequences. (more…)