Family relationships are always hard but even more so after the loss of your hero. Whether that hero was your son, your daughter, a sibling, or a spouse, that death will deeply affect your relationships with the rest of the family.

The first year of grief generally separates the wheat from the chaff. Relationships may change dramatically. Some family members, so at a loss for words, will slowly drift away, unable to understand, unable to initiate a conversation, and fearful of what your response will be.

The passage of time reveals the deeper cracks in once comfortable relationships. Family members, once supportive, cannot understand decisions you now make in your life. They wonder why you choose to take a path that may diverge from one previously planned.

Here is the deal. Unless you have experienced that deep, gut wrenching grief, you will never understand the way it affects the lives of the survivors.

I had a path. It was one I chose; one of those decisions we make day in and day out throughout our lives. It involved a considerable sacrifice of time and of money. Friends and family encouraged me along the way. Then came that moment; the call in the middle of a freeway commute delivering the worst news of my life. Everything changed in that instant. (more…)

As I watched another Gold Star parent crumple into tears while listening to a Dad of another fallen soldier tell of his own loss, I wondered to myself, “how can I help someone who is so lost in grief?” Aren’t we comforted so that we are able to comfort others? How can we actively pursue that goal in a loving and empathetic manner?

I will start by saying that once you have personally experienced a devastating loss you are uniquely qualified to empathize with someone going through that type of loss. That is why we cry when we hear another person’s story. That is why we are so heavy hearted when we see the Patriot Guard escorting another hero home. That is why we are so quick to hug. That is also why we can assure someone that it will get better over time and that while we can’t “move on,” we can at least move forward.

God tells us that we can help. We can stand together with those who need encouragement and they are able to stand with us or with someone else. “Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come and save you.”” Isaiah 35:3-4 (more…)

We are called by God to give the first fruits of our labors. Whether our money or our sons, the message is clear. God wants our best. Not because He needs it, but because our first fruits represent our love for our Heavenly Father.

Do you give your earthly father “seconds?” If he joins you for dinner, do you feed him what was left from the night before? Of course not. Even if your earthly father is not around, your Heavenly Father is always there for you, no matter what. We can never “pay Him back” for the gift of salvation, but we can give the best of what we have.

What better way to show our love than to give our very, very best; our sons? They are, after all, on loan to us from God. We were the selected parents who saw a child grown into a man; a man of compassion, purpose, responsibility, and love for others. A man (or woman) who understood sacrifice. “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” John 15:13

We wanted more time. We weren’t finished. But consider this: If this world is just our stopping place until we reach our ultimate goal of Heaven, and if Heaven is even just a fraction of the glory told about in the Bible, aren’t our heroes enjoying the best of a place we spend our lives longing to reach? (more…)